[UK] 19. Apologising in Japan VS The UK イギリスと日本の誤り

There are multiple ways of apologising to somebody. One is by simply saying, “sorry.” There are more and there are other phrases and terms used in those times, “I beg for your forgiveness” is one example. Japanese is no different. There are several different ways of apologising in Japanese. Another form of apologising is by doing some kind of action. In traditional Japan, the older generations used the “dogeza” mixed with some words as the strongest form of apology – not including seppuku, of course.

We have no such thing in the UK. In fact, there are no physical ways of apologising directly except for doing a kind of task for the person, such as cleaning the house for your wife, or buying a present.

In Japan, it seems that apologizing isn’t something that’s thought about as much as it is in The UK. If a British person does something wrong, first thing usually think about who was wrong and then react accordingly. But in Japan it seems that no matter who was right or wrong, there is an instant and automatic “sorry” that follows. I know that in Japan, children are brought up with the philosophy of resolving problems and fights by apologizing because it causes the least trouble for people around. People put the group and other people above themselves. It sounds kind and sweet from one perspective, but from another perspective it also means that the person who was wrong can walk away without scorn or punishment. In a company, school or public fight, both people are often punished equally, even if one person is totally innocent. It creates a culture where people apologize without thinking about it. Stress accumulates and we’re left with more tension than before.

It also creates a fake arrogance in people. Those kinds of people aren’t actually arrogant, but the stress and culture mixes and it leaves them with the opinion that they are in the right more than they actually are. If disputes and challenges are issued in those times, people may change their perspective. At least, as a foreigner who is new to this culture, I can feel bad intentions and negativity just by watching people walk or looking at their face or listening to their voice and conversations. It’s more visible with the middle-aged generation (40-60). It makes me wonder if it’s related to the high suicide rates. In The UK, there are more confrontations in public and when people fight, they try to resolve it through debate. And by the time those people get home, they definitely feel better for relieving their stress than if they had bottled it up day after day until they break down mentally. I’m not saying Japanese people are wrong. Actually they are very mentally strong for having such a tough culture for years. I worry about their health, general well-being and relationships. I think it also may relate to the reason why many people are not having relationships and children in Japan. There are many single people, especially in their 30s in Japan. Culture plays a big role. Work. Stress. Culture. Relationships. Mental Health. Just imagine how those five factors may be connected and related. It seems almost obvious to me, or am I missing a big piece to the puzzle?

  1. Do you often apologise? In what kinds of situations?
  2. Do you think you need to apologise every time?
  3. What about if you did nothing wrong? Do you still apologise?
  4. Do you think it’s true that older people expect politeness too much?
  5. Do you think people deserve to be confronted sometimes?

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Author: sayinsei

英語の発音矯正と会話クラスを提供する新宿の語学学校. A language school in Shinjuku offering English classes

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